i contacted my sponsor after a binge and sent him a 10th step after fight with mom. I made amends by trying to think of ways to make her life easier. I parked the car at Canadian tire and out the location onto her map. She thanked me and she now has a social with her workmates plus she has some much needed driving experience. I was so angry when we fought I don’t know if it was related but I was irritated that the conversation was heavy and that all she talked about was amputating her leg.which made me feel a lot of frustration because I was telling her so what, whatever life throws at you in old age she can handle and is resilient anyway I crossed the lien and talked about how she fucked up things with her daughters and now the emotional support was on all on me. So the real route of things was my resentments of my sister’s and mom relationship and the fear I have of codependency on my mom.
I had a session in SA with tanja where we talked about my dealing with codepndcny and lack of male energy in my life so now I’m wary of that and I realize that all the firendw I was making were father figures which I’m trying to understand.
I called my aunt Neela and we spoke and it was nice to catch up with her and my cousin. I was very happy to especially talk with my cousin because it’s been such a long time and I love my cousins a lot .
I’ve got to work at timmies today and it’s raining. I tried to get some sleep but I’m not able to so I picked up a book from the library and I’m working through that. I would love to find a therapist to do some inner child work. Let’s see. The book I’m reading is great and maybe I’ll work with one of the social workers there for some help on the resources. Maybe my life is about overcoming adversity and being an inspiration to others On what’s possible time will tell.