I felt some darkness today. I prayed to god to take me. I slept around 3pm and I woke up feeling pain in back and leg and just a sense of hopelessness. I have to do a presentation to cirrus on Phishing. it's for 2 groups on friday afternoon. And i'm really anxious about it and it's taking a lot out of me. Darren asked me why I put myself in this position. I told him that my brain said yes but my body is saying no. he reminded me of what happened to me at TD.
I got out of bed at 4:30 and then i did some stretching to some thievery music which was really good. My intention was to go to an oa meeting and work on the presentation while on the bus and subway and there was a really nice lady name blythe who texted me and said she heard me on the meeting. i was so grateful to get her text and she talked about the obsession of the mind and how if she could do it she would have already done it. I called her and was very grateful for the connection. and now I'm lisetning to some AA podcasts that she recommended.