living with depression and addiction

Submitted by krisen on Tue, 01/29/2019 - 16:58

Today I found a good article from the narcotics anonymous site. I've been struggling with my binge eating at nights, and the last 2 days have been especially rough, where I've finished my night shifts by buying junk food and more junk food and driving high to home, going straight to bed and feeling ashamed, tired from the full belly and frustrated and self loathing from after a binge. Here's the text below: i finally shared what i was going through with my psychiatrist today and when he listened to what I was telling him, he said sounds hellish, and just that little line was the vindication that I needed. Ive tried to talk to my mother about the addiction combined with depression leaving me feeling powerless and wanting to die, but god bless her she can't comprehend and i'm grateful that she's resorting to her spiritual practices such as turning salt and incense sticks. i feel that it may be helping her more than me but I go along with it. I feel a bit like a prisoner when I have to talk to her especially in the lounge and that's why I tend to stay in my room which leads to more isolati0n and sleeping. The doctor wants me to only sleep maximum nine hours per  night, no tv or gadget watching and he said oversleeping contributes to the depression.  He's also asked me not to do anything else in bed, that is use bed only for sleeping. For me i guess the counter is going to the library because I won't be able to work in the room and i don't want to work around my mom, because it often leads to anxiety producing conversations for me. The psychiatrist  also upped the medication and he asked me to increase the gym to five times a week working out on weights. 

“I struggled for years being more ashamed of my mental health condition than I ever was of being an addict. Today I realize that taking care of my mental well‐being is a critical part of my overall recovery, and like everything else, the process of doing so is the solution to my struggles.”

Some members may be prone to isolate due to shame. Many of us are familiar with the saying “an addict alone is in bad company.” Isolation tends to lead us to dark places, with only our own thoughts to guide us. Those thoughts may bring us to scary places, such as a place from which it is hard to see how life is worth living. In the best circumstances, having gloomy thoughts would inspire us to call our sponsor or a trusted friend, or might prompt us to go to a meeting; sometimes we continue to move progressively downhill, caught in a web of negative thinking. In times like these, we may even entertain suicidal thoughts. One of the personal stories in our Basic Text (“Becoming Whole”) describes suicide as “a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” We need to bring ourselves out of the dark corner and back into living a program of recovery. Sometimes it will feel impossible to move out of that rut, but we need to persevere, putting one foot in front of another, until we are in a meeting surrounded by our people. We let shame and stigma fall away. A glimmer of hope begins to shift our thinking, and we are back on the road of recovery.